I've taken most of my auditions. I have one more on Saturday the 5th, but I have decided not to go to it. I have chosen to go to none of the schools that I have auditioned for. There is only one school that MIGHT change my mind, but I'm on the waiting list there (USC-Los Angeles). But even then if I were to be accepted, I feel that I would turn it down. I have decided to pursue something in life that makes me happy. I love music and I REALLY love the flute, but pursuing it as a full time career has brought only sorrow and bitterness in the past year. I have pushed myself as hard as possible producing numerous performance injuries. My self esteem has fallen dramatically as I was thrashed against the egos of players with far greater careers than I could even dream of having myself. But ultimately this career path stopped being fun over a year ago and merely became something that I do well. All of the pressure ultimately manifested itself in the form of an eating disorder. So, I'm getting out of music full time, and getting help with my health.
I have chosen to pursue a career path that makes me happy. It has been something that has brought me stress relief and happiness for quite some time as ironic as it may be. I am now applying to Le Cordon Bleu for a degree in the culinary arts. I love food (even though I have control issues with it), I love to cook (and I'm good at it!) and people will always eat so there will always be jobs. I'm also considering applying to graphic design schools, but I like cooking a lot more than graphic design. I still plan on being a flutist, but this time... on my own time, my terms, my way, when I want to and where I want to. Music will be fun again. I plan on pursuing ethnic flutes much more in depth and hopefully I'll end up doing some pit work and light recording work on them.
I know this is quite a shock to hear, particularly because of my dedication in years prior, but now that I know that I can be happy doing something other than music, I feel so much better.
So... there you have it. If you have any sort of response, please send it to me in a PM (private message). Thank you all for all of your support over the years. Even though I'm changing fields, don't think I'm going anywhere! I'm still a flute junkie, just in a different way.
). I hope to still see you around here though. I haven't been around long but you always seem to have some of the best input on things here and we would all miss you.