Discouraged...

Twilight91 · Post by **Twilight91** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 4:10 pm

I've been sitting first chair for the past year. Well, when chair tryouts came around this semester, I was having a bad day and messed up on a run and played a part too fast and all sorts of stuff and now I'm sitting fourth. As a result of this, I'm really discouraged about my abilities and feel like I cannot play worth anything and basically that I completely suck. What's worse than that is that my mind-set is affecting the way that I play and now I don't look forward to band or practice time as much because everytime I pick up my flute to play (which I absolutely love doing so that may be while I feel the way I do so strongly) I see that mistake stairing back at me and it makes me feel like a screw-up. What aggrivates me more, though, is that I truely am better than the three people sitting in front of me. I'm not just saying that to be spiteful, but as fact.

So, I guess my question would be if any of y'all on here have any way of making me to not be so discouraged and cheer up. And thanks..

fluteguy18 · Post by **fluteguy18** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 4:34 pm

think of this as a charachter building expieriance. I know I have made mistakes, or been cheated out of a certain position, but I have learned many things from all of them. And perhaps you would have been in that chair anyway. Teachers have this odd way of knowing what their students need in order to grow as people and as players. So, perhaps your "judge" or teacher or whoever put you there, did it for a reason. Maybe it is time for you to take the backseat and let someone else get the expieriance of leading the group. Also, just let your mistakes go. If you keep brooding about all of this, it will just get worse.

So what. you messed up. Big deal. I guarantee that this tiny little mistake will have no effect on your life 30 years down the road. And if it does, then you caused it to effect you way too much, and never let go. We have all made mistakes, and we have all fallen short of our own expectations. Just keep in mind that you will have another chance next year. Practice hard, and sneak up on these guys. then, blow them out of the water next time. We can only learn from our mistakes. So, learn from this, and make the best of the situation you have been given.

flutepicc06 · Post by **flutepicc06** » Wed Nov 01, 2006 6:31 pm

Excellent advice Fluteguy. Remember that audition results only show who played the best on one given piece at one given moment, amongst a set group of people. The results of auditions do not necessarily reflect your overall abilities when it comes to music. As Fluteguy said, everyone has made mistakes, but the key is not to let them get to you. Chances are you won't remember them in 6 months, or a year, because they are insignificant in the big scheme of things. Think about what you did well (and "nothing" is not an acceptable answer to that...There are always good facets of a performance, no matter how terrible you may think it was), not what you did poorly. Learn from the mistakes by being ready next time to be sure those same mistakes don't happen again. And after all, it's just a chair in a high school band...It's not like moving back a few seats is going to mean you'll never sit first chair anywhere ever again.

Phineas · Post by **Phineas** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 8:08 am

If anyone ever told you that hard work alone would guarantee success, they are lying to you. Things happen, and that is just how it is. No matter how good you think you are , you will have bad days from time to time, and you may even fail. Just deal with it, learn from it, and move on.

The farther up you move in life, the bigger the target you become. Why? Because the person at the top is what everyone shoots at and wants to beat. I am willing to bet the person you beat for first chair last year probably had their ego smashed too!

The real challenge is can you make the 4th chair shine above the rest. That would really prove if you are first chair material in my opinion. Look at it as an opportunity to show that you are a good sport, you are mature, and you have TRUE class. If I took on a job sweeping the floor, I would make sure that that was the cleanest floor that anyone has ever seen. I would also feel blessed for the opportunity to be of service. Play your part well, people will notice! Trust me! The next tryouts are just around the corner.

Phineas

Meredith · Post by **Meredith** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 2:04 pm

I heartily agree with everyone -- this can be a real character-building experience.

With a few minor exceptions, I was the music department's wunderkid from 5th grade straight through 12th. What particularly gathered the ill-will of my peers was (1) I consistently beat the most popular girl in our grade for first seat, and, (2) in the 8th grade I got a perfect score on the hardest-level solo you can play in NYS, and pulled that trick off every year thereafter.

Needless to say, it was a huge mind-blow when I didn't make All-State my senior year, and second seat did. (My solo judge that year was a clarinetist, who was familiar with the technical difficulty of her solo, but was rather underwhelmed when I walked in and played a technically and stylistically flawless Ibert concerto. My mind still reels...) However, I think our band conductor was ready for me to have a breakdown when the girl who was 3rd seat -- the girl I'd always beaten in every audition -- was also selected for All-State. Bit, when it was announced, I think I was the first person to turn around and congradulate her. It wasn't even because it was the "right thing to do" (which of course it was)... I was genuinly happy that she'd made All-State, b/c she really was a terrific flutist, and prob. would have been any other school district's wunderkid in her own right. It just so happened that we both lived in the same town.

It's easy to win first seat with a smile, but it's not always easy to take fall with grace. Especially when you think (and prob. are) a better musician than the other people in front of you. Trust me, you can sometimes feel a lot better about yourself in how you handle let-down than how you handle a victory. Look at this as a character-building experience, and use your experience at the last audition as a learning tool. Maybe getting yourself a bit "angry" is what you need to get yourself back in the game. Take a practice break to watch "Rocky III" (it's rated PG, so it should be fine with your parents) and get back into your game!

Good luck!

Phineas · Post by **Phineas** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 3:10 pm

Meredith

One lie that I was told was hard work will take you far. That is only true if you do not work so hard, that you make other people look bad. Then people will go out of their way to cut you down to size, like send someone that is not as good as you to All-State. I too had to learn this the hardway. Being exceptional is a curse without a good kiss-butt personality to back it up.

Education is a game that rarely favors anyone whome is knowledgeable. Instead it rewards the pupils that go along with the program. It is the same way in college also.

Phineas

fluteguy18 · Post by **fluteguy18** » Thu Nov 02, 2006 6:27 pm

I had a very similiar expieriance in high school that Meredith had. However, it was slightly different. I was always first because I pulled off the same "trick" that Meredith did. However, when I finally decided to try out for our "All District Band" I was also selected to audition for "All State". I didnt make All State. I was the only candidate from my County to qualify for the auditions, but I didnt get in.

However, I did not let this get to me. Sure, I was disappointed, but I took the disappointment and turned it into ambition ( actually--- I was furious.

And when I am mad, it is like blind ambition. I will NEVER EVER let anyone tell me that I am not good enough. Instead I work so hard that I am better than they ever dreamed of.....

)

so, I kept working, and tryouts came around for an honors band clinic for one of the leading music colleges in the state. Anyone who is anyone in the high school music world in kentucky applies to be in this clinic. Not only did I get in, but I also beat almost every flutist who made All State, and I ended up playing the piccolo solo in "Chimes of Liberty" (original score, not arranged.... in which the picc solo is almost impossible..... that is why the conductor let everyone learn it, and the best got it

)

Learn from this expieriance. Follow everyones advice.

mikeh · Post by **mikeh** » Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:19 pm

LOL KEEP TRYING

PEACCE

scarlett0225 · Post by **scarlett0225** » Mon Nov 13, 2006 9:09 pm

Wow, does your situation sound familiar! I was always among the best flutes throughout school, busting my butt to being the top freshman flute. I thought I was headed for first chair by my junior year when my dreams were crushed. In my sophmore year, i was beat out by two freshman girls (both had private lessons since birth, i'd never had flute lessons). So not only was I beat out, but it was by two underclassmen, double humiliation. There were three seniors, the two freshman, then me, then 12 other flutes below us. (our band was massive).

Over the next two years, they were always first and second chair and I was third. At first I felt ashamed to have been beat out by two underclassman, but I had to admit to myself honestly that they were better than me. However much I practiced, they would always be better. Neverthless, I tried to challenge them several times to move up, but to no avail...and all the while, my nerves were getting the best of me.

Every time I went into a challenge I'd freak out at the pressure of trying to be the best and blow it, literally and figuratively. But after a few months, I realized that so what if they were better at some aspects of playing. I had my own strengths which were emerging. For example, my memory is awesome for retaining music, i have fabulous tone and breath control and a very passionate way of playing that really draws people in. Technically and sightreading, not as strong as they were, which is really what makes a top chair. But, taking a back seat or in this instance third chair made me see things about myself that I otherwise wouldn't have seen if I'd been first chair.

1. I have a compulsion or obession to be in music. To really enjoy myself, I had get back to the root of why i started playing flute to begin with...pure love of music and the instrument. without the pressure of being first chair, i was able to enjoy myself a bit more and feel the music and its intent, verses a preoccupation with being technically accurate or perfect.

2. I needed to play as an ensemble and make friends with my fellow flute players instead of seeing them as competition or threats. I also realized i was a really good teacher. i was able to help other flutes to learn music and play flute. And i was better at this teaching than the other two top flutes. part of it was my love of music, part of it was because i was able to connect with the other flute players. i could relate with how they felt. that they want to play and be better flutes but feel like they weren't good enough to bother trying. unlike, the two top flutes, i was instantly approachable and it felt good to help them. ironically, by talking to them, providing coaching and helping them, it was like i was helping myself.

3. I needed to just chill out and enjoy not being the one in the spotlight with all the pressure of the solos and on the spot sightreading. I needed to relax and not take the whole thing so seriously otherwise i miss out on the fun of being young and doing music. I've also learned more focus and control as a result of the experience. I learned my emotions and competitive spirit should be attributes not obstacles.

4. I had to realize that ratings all in all don't mean a lot and shouldn't dictate my life or actions. I had plenty of opportunities to shine, in senior ensembles, in all county band, or when they were out. No one ever questioned my ability to play flute, they knew I was a strong player who had a real passion for it. And soon, I stopped questioning myself, which was the real reason for the nerves. I questioned my own abilities and passion and purpose because of stupid ranking. The world is always going to rate/rank/grade you, but it is up to you to rise above it and keep reaching for your dreams.

I really believe that the whole experience happened for a reason. It all knocked me down a few pegs, but it made me see what was really important and get a real hold on my anxieties and fears. I became such close friends with those two top flute players. We had a really great time playing in the band together and leading our flute section together. Luckily, we were all able to see each others strengths and talents and make the flute section better.

And, ironically, i'm still doing music, singing, writing lyrics and music/songs, playing flute, playing with rock bands and guitarists, while the two top flute players aren't in music at all. Actually, both of them said recently they hadn't picked up a flute in nearly ten years...one's a surgeon and the other a biologist. It's funny how things turn out.

If i'd let ranking/ratings and my anxiety or self-doubt get in my way, I wouldn't have the strength to follow my passions now, to get up in front of an audience, to express myself in ways that make sense to me and allow me to be true to myself. Maybe in the future, you'll be a musician or perhaps you'll be something else entirely. but this is a defining moment for you.

Will this experience affect your future? ABSOLUTELY!!!!! But it is up to you on how it affects and defines you. It is harder to keep working and growing. Its hard to keep your confidence up in the face of failure and self-doubt. But that is the real challenge, no matter what you do. If you want it bad enough, you've got to not only work hard, but you've got to overcome your own shortcomings includig the tendency to defeat and deflate yourself. I totally relate to your situation and I hope that my story helps you or at least gives you a little hope that it'll make sense in the future. Just hang in there, trying to be the best version of your true self that you can be. Everything will work out for the best. Good luck!!!!!

suckmykiss · Post by **suckmykiss** » Mon Nov 20, 2006 1:31 am

Just show them who's really the best. If people KNOW and CAN TELL you are the best despite not being firstchair, then isn't that better than being firstchair itself? =)

Anyway if you really wanna get it, don't lose hope! There's always the next tryouts eh? Practise like mad~ and get it back then! Good luck =)